Never give up hope.

There are times when I swear that I have hit rock bottom. One of those times being recently, and I know that when going through such rough time, the smart thing to do would be to look to God.

Uhhhh what? Hold up. Isn't it God who put me in this situation in the first place? Isn't "hitting rock bottom" all God's fault? Why would I want to ask God for help and guidance? I have asked myself again and again, why has He decided to put me through this? Why has He guided me into a dead end? Is this all part of his plan for me?

As I am sitting outside on a warm summer night, listening to the frogs croak; I can easily answer those questions. God DOES has a plan. It may not be the perfect plan you want, but it's all for a reason. "Everything happens for a reason," and God puts reason behind that reason!

I believe that God has a plan for me, and I am willing to go through any hurt to see where his plan takes men. I am willing to have faith in him, even if it seems that he has forgotten me... even if it seems that he doesn't care how much I am going through. Because he is all around me, and happens to love me for who I am, no matter what I do.

I don't mean to preach or anything, but a couple of days ago I felt like giving up on God. I felt as if he didn't care what happened to me, he just tossed my family and I to the side and decided to give bad persons special treatment. But I didn't give up. I kept believing, kept hoping that somehow, someway God would turn it around and be on my side. I prayed that he would help make something good come out of the bad.

What do you know, he did.

Never give up hope. Never.

Crosswalk Through Life.

CROSSWALK: My definition?

-- A path we cross that goes through our

minds everyday as only painted lines on the road.

Or potentially another meaning?

We'll see...

Has it ever occurred to anyone how significant these white thick lines are? Has anyone realized that these simple streaks that show pedestrians where to cross the road help save lives? Or the fact that without these crosswalks, innocent passersby could potential lose their life to a multi-ton vehicle? Crosswalks, as an obvious description to me, transfer people safely across busy streets as well as portray a 'safe-image' for those who wish to reach the other side of the road. But what else do they have to offer?

As I walked to my car after class today, I came upon an understanding. Or rather, a crosswalk. What I realized is that people themselves can relate to crosswalks. Crosswalks on the road are very similar to the crosswalks of life we experience everyday. Here we are, taking advantage of the safe-haven provided for us, not even thinking to acknowledge the actual purpose or implication crosswalks can have. Without crosswalks, how would passing cars be able to see where pedestrians wish to cross? These ongoing automobiles represent the hardships and barriers we continuously go through. The many steps one takes to cross a crosswalk can bear a parallel meaning to the many steps one takes in order to achieve a goal, get over a "slump" they may be going through, or maybe even survive through everyday obstacles one experiences.

For example: As of now, I'm experiencing one of the worst experiences anyone can go through. Death. Easily a tragedy; hardly an incident anyone wants to go through. Although I'm not going to deny that I've been having a rough time, because I definitely am struggling. My Grandmother has not yet passed, but it's safe to say that her time is coming fairly soon. This tough experience is just another crosswalk in my many crosswalks of life. The steps that work toward getting to the other side go hand-in-hand with the steps that request one to stay strong, become a better person, and move on past the hard time(s).

And it only took one glimpse of a white line that I have over-looked in almost 20 years of living, for me to make this mind-blowing discovery. We're all on our separate crosswalk of life; whether it could be school, a break-up, car accident,.. you name it. Who knew that a crosswalk could have such meaning?

To the point of return..

Well it's been a while since I have wrote, and I have to say. I have missed it. A lot of things have happened since my last post, and for the most part I would prefer to just skip over those happenings to the present.

As of now? I have started over everything with a clean slate. I'm a new person each day and have decided to live life one day at a time. Only one problem. I may be a guarded person. Actually, scratch that. I AM a guarded person and I have the guts to admit to it. I don't like showing people my insecurities, or allowing myself to become vulnerable when my friends surround me. Which is one of the main reasons why I created this blog. Somehow, I have to find it within me to let this hefty wall lift up so I can let myself and my screaming emotions pour out into a level of openness I call venting. It may be that I don't want other people feeling sorry for me, or the fact that I don't think whatever is on my mind is anybody's business but in order for me to feel "refreshed", "rejuvinated".. I need to let everything out.

Which is why I have returned to writing in my blog. The overwhelming burden I feel has consumed my whole being, has a way to escape. From my fingers tapping the keyboard onto this screen that is open to the world. Is it bad that I would rather tell others about what's going on in my life rather than my friends? Maybe... But at least I can explain everything without having to cover my face that is chock full of embarrassment, shame and regret.

With that note and not getting into TOO much detail, homework is calling my name.

I will leave all the venting to tomorrow :)